. Best Picture: “No Country For Old Men”
Actor in a Leading Role: Daniel Day-Lewis
Actor in a Supporting Role: Javier Bardem, “No Country For Old Men”
Actress in a Leading Role: Marion Cotillard
Actress in a Supporting Role: Tilda Swinton, “Michael Clayton”
Animated Feature Film: “Ratatouille”
Art Direction: “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”
Cinematography: “There Will Be Blood”
Costume Design: “Elizabeth: The Golden Age”
Directing: Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, “No Country For Old Men”
Documentary Feature: “Taxi To The Dark Side”
Documentary Short: “Freeheld”
Film Editing: “The Bourne Ultimatum”
Foreign Language Film: “The Counterfeiters”
Makeup: “La Vie En Rose”
Music (Score): “Atonement”
Music (Song): “Once”
Short Film (Animated): “Peter & The Wolf”
Short Film (Live Action): “Le Mozart Des Pickpockets” (”The Mozart of Pickpockets”)
Sound Editing: “The Bourne Ultimatum”
Sound Mixing: “The Bourne Ultimatum”
Visual Effects: “The Golden Compass”
Writing (Adapted Screenplay): “No Country For Old Men”
Writing (Original Screenplay): Diablo Cody, “Juno”
Archive for February, 2008 Page 2 of 8
The Jonas Brothers swear off sex with purity rings!
The retard trio… oops I meant the Jonas Brothers, nothing more than a repeat of the Hanson, the brunette version, are apparently the biggest teen-brother band in America. Don’t worry if you have no idea who they are. This just means that you are not a teenage girl or a retarded American. But if you were a schoolgirl of no more than 12 then trust me you would not only know who the Jonas Brothers are, but you would also drool your juices… aaa, I mean saliva, nothing more than saliva, for the three boys wonder. So what have the reincarnations of the three Stooges done to get into the news?
Well, believe it or not, but they are trying to grow hymens and turn into the teenage boy versions of Britney Spears. From what I am hearing the boys are going to change the band’s name into the Jonas Sister. And they have promised to remain virgins until marriage by wearing purity rings… on their fingers…
“On a quiet Friday morning in a dressing room at Madison Square Garden, the Jonas Brothers hold out their hands to show off their purity rings. Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas—the teen-pop trio who stand, at this very moment, on the brink of hugeness—wear the metal bands on their fingers to symbolize, as Joe puts it, “promises to ourselves and to God that we’ll stay pure till marriage.” Joe is 18. His ring is silver and adorned with a cross. “It actually ripped apart a little bit, just on the bottom, here, but I didn’t want to get a new one, because this one means so much to me,” he says. Nick, who is 15, says, “I got mine made at Disney World. It’s pretty awesome.” Kevin, at 20, is the oldest of the three, and while a punk-rock purity ring from Tiffany might represent the ultimate oxymoron, that’s exactly what he’s going for. His silver vow of abstinence is covered with studs. “It’s pretty rock and roll,” Kevin says. “It’s getting banged up a little bit because of the guitar”,” reads a message from the Details magazine.
Continue reading ‘The Retard Trio (the Jonas Brothers) Are Trying to Grow Hymens’
Lindsay Lohan nude reloaded. Just some pictures of Lohan’s sweet freckled topless breasts I think you missed the last time. If you ask me, this is just a home made porn movie waiting to happen. And I am sure that all you 20+ years old virgins out there in the Internet land praying that I only wrote under 100 words so you can go right down to your filthy masturbatory practices, are already salivating over some hardcore pornography featuring Lindsay Lohan. But just think about it. All the ingredients are in the right place… sex, drugs and alcohol addictions, promiscuity, dead carrier going nowhere… Just get your lubricants ready for one night in Lohan…
After all, Paris Hilton is her big sister and One Night in Paris is the apex of home made pornography. The one that managed to convince you to get on top of your obese girlfriends, those three of Hollywooditoria’s readers that do have girlfriends, otherwise on top of pieces of furniture, blow-up dolls, and your best mates, and finally use the camera on the cheapest possible available multimedia phones…
Nicole Kidman wears her vagina on her face… I mean look at those lips… How in the world they managed to migrate from between her legs up on her face is beyond me. But I guess that it just happens when you’ve got mutant-level quantities of Botox in your blood.
Can you imagine the police breaking in on Nicole Kidman? “Freak! You there in the cage! Put your lips down and your hands up! Ohmygawd!!! It’s eating her face! Shoot it! Shoot it! Shoot it!!!”
Continue reading ‘Nicole Kidman Wears Her Vagina on Her Face’
Petra Nemcova lingerie pictorial. I don’t even know why I’m writing. What I do know is that you’re probably stuck having never completely read a book in your life unless the picture to text ratio was at least 10 to 1. The only difference now in comparison to when you were at the mental level of a five year old in front of a drawing book is that in the meantime, you’ve discovered masturbation. Congratulations… You have reached the peek of your life… Isn’t it fortunate that you can navigate and handle the mouse with just one hand?
Apparently Vanessa Hudgens does have a sex tape… A full 45 seconds of high quality, high definition cell phone camera footage. The Disney wonder that managed to get herself featured naked in some rather spicy photos a while back is apparently sitting under the Christmas tree wearing nothing more than a red Santa hat and a red thong decorated with mistletoe as an accessory…
She then opens her mouth and says: “I want Santa to come up my chimney because I’ve been a good little girl this year.” Sweet Buddha… Now this is the kind of Christmas wish that makes me want to have chosen a career as a Santa at the Mall. If she opens her mouth to spit out such an invitation can you even imagine her closing it on her present? And then swallowing down the surprise contained at the end of her present?
All I can say is - give this girl a proper gift. Something in the range of 10+ inches. Get her filled up with a big, fat and juicy gift. And give her the gift again and again, make her feel like it’s Christmas every day! Ho! Ho! Ho!
“Just got back from Oklahoma where I was shooting “Mat Hoffman’s tribute to Evel Knievel.” Had a ball, too, even though I almost lost my own balls in the process. Don’t want to give too much away because the tribute airs Feb 23rd on MTV, but let’s just say before letting Travis Pastrana teach me how to do a backflip on a motorcycle I should have had him teach me to ride one first. Heh-heh…bad for me, good for our viewing audience at home. Have to go now. Have to empty the piss bag on my leg that I have to wear for the next two weeks until my torn urethra heals. Ouch, and see you on the 23rd. By the way, lots of great stuff in the Evel Knievel tribute besides my trip to the hospital-lots!” - Johnny Knoxville
Jennifer Lopez is about to blow. Last I heard she was in labor squeezing some little Marc Anthony zombie spawns out of her. I was starting to wonder when she would pop, because she has been looking like she was about to burst for a couple of months now. Ever since Marc, who weighs 10 pounds when he’s full of blood, started orbiting around JLo after she got her own gravity field.
But I am diverging… since JLo couldn’t fit through 90% of the doors in this world, the pop latina singer got Ana Beatriz Barros to model for her clothing line. Sweet choice if you ask me…
Continue reading ‘Throw Jennifer Lopez Out and Keep Ana Beatriz Barros’
Recent Comments