Hollywooditoria

And I provide the translation…

Paris: “Hey everyone! It’s been a little while since I last checked in. I’ve been so busy shooting my new show. It’s been quite the experience, these people are amazing! Everyone of the contestants is very special in there own way. We are having the best time, it’s been so much fun to meet such interesting characters. We’ve gone on some crazy adventures together. I even brought some of the contestants on trips with me to Japan and Las Vegas within the past 2 weeks. It’s been a blast! It’s so much fun to take your friends to places they’ve never been and show them experiences they’d never even think of. It’s quite a site and its going to be an amazing show and I’m so happy and thrilled with what’s happening everyday.”

Translation: To my fans… all three of them, including that monkey… I have no idea who wrote this. I have never seen so many words in one place in my life! I never thought the American language had so many altogether… Ahhh well… Some dudes tricked me into filming a non-pornographic show… I realized too late, when they kept insisting that I keep my legs crossed, stand up instead of on my knees, keep my clothes on and stop making sucking noises…

Paris: But not everything is all fun and games, they’ve been through some very brutal challenges, so I give them major props!! I still can’t believe some of the things I’ve seen them do, quite shocking! But also very entertaining. And yes of course there’s drama sometimes, but that’s what happens when you stick a bunch of fun, crazy girls together in a house together. The only part I hate about the show is doing the eliminations, it is so hard for me. And it gets harder every time cause these past few weeks I’ve really became close with all of them and it’s hard to have to let them go. It’s actually very emotional, everyone is pretty upset every time we have to do one. But even though at the end of this I can only choose one of these people to be my best friend, I know in my heart that I’ve met some people on the show that I’ll be friends with for a lifetime. I love them all and I can’t wait for you all to see the madness!! But you’ll have to wait till September when it airs on MTV.

Translation: I have no idea who these fame-whoring bitches are, but I’m top bitch! It couldn’t be otherwise… They’re like… poor, and they only had less than 100 kilometers of penis inside them… so… boring… But I love them all, and all of you… Still I wouldn’t break a nail to save their lives! Oh my god! Why am I wearing underwear? Whose sick joke is this?!?!?!

Paris: In my personal life, I am still very much in love and happy. He has been so supportive throughout the show, coming to visit me at set everyday. Life is good. Check out Benji’s blog at www.GoodCharlotte.com He took some pictures of our fun lil trip to vegas this weekend with some of the potential BFF’s, it was such a fun weekend!! I hosted a party at Tao, it was a great night there. Some of the girls had never even been to Vegas before, so it was fun to show them vegas my way. They had the time of there lives. Also my friend Jeff Beacher threw us one of his infamous Beacher’s Madhouse After parties over at the Mirage Hotel Mansions. There were some pretty hilarious performances and I even got cut in half by a magician. Such a great weekend! Hope your all having a great summer!

Translation: No, really! Come here and help me take these off RIGHT NOW!!! I can’t be seen spreading my legs like this with underwear ON!!! Who dressed me this morning?!?!? That’s it! I’m calling daddy! Daddy Hilton will throw a bitch fit when he sees his favorite heiress in upskirts without being able to take a glimpse at the ovaries!

Paris: Speak soon, love you all!! Xoxo Paris

Translation: You NASTY UGLY PARASITIC STUPID MOTHERF*****S!!!!!!!!!!