Archive for the 'Celebrity News' Category

Natalie Portman is Crazy (in Love)

Natalie Portman is in love. Nothing wrong with that, you’d think. Well … think again.

The monkey impersonator in the picture above is the “man” in question, Devendra Banhart, a Venezuelan-American folk rock singer-songwriter and musician. According to Wikipedia, his music has been classified as indie folk, psych folk, Naturalismo, and New Weird America. The last one sounds like the perfect description, if you ask me.

Now, I know love makes you do crazy things. Been there, done that. But hey, at least nobody has a video of me, right? Natalie’s “proof of love” will surely be on YouTube long after the romance will have passed. And trust me: it shall pass. One morning the psychedelic stuff he’s got her on will wear off … and the prince will once again turn into a hairy frog.

Watch the public humiliation of the beautiful and talented Natalie Portman. I could look up the name of the song, but I bet you couldn’t care less.

Rosario Dawson Bikini Pictures

Rosario Dawson is playing around with a hose, wearing nothing more than a sexy black bikini. I bet you think this is the premise of a dirty, wet, extremely hot fantasy. It is a hot day, and she is just dying to cool off. The clothes have long been discarded, but that was not enough, was it? The hose used to water the garden is just laying close by. She picks it up, and cold water starts to flow over her heated body …

Yeah, I came to know exactly what goes on through your minds…

Well, enjoy the pictures, by all means.

Rosario Dawson in a bikini

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Adriana Lima Is Perfect and Engaged

Adriana Lima

Adriana Lima is perfect and engaged at the 2008 ESPY Awards in L.A. No sexy bikini, no glamour fashion … No more pictorials. No mas… That’s in the past now… It’s all barefoot, pregnant and cooking in the kitchen for Marko Jaric.

Yes… Talk about a Chernobyl mutant!!! Puke! Is that guy actually sporting a mustache? Are you kidding me?! His only excuse is if Adriana made it out of her pubic hair and glued it on his face with her vaginal juices to mark her territory. Because, if that thing is real than we need another perestroika to kill this communist rebut…

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Penelope Cruz Makes the Cover of W Magazine

Penelope Cruz Makes the Cover of W Magazine

INNER ‘MONSTER’:
“I’m always finding very tricky and hidden ways to sabotage any beautiful moment. And it’s something so internal that I don’t think even my friends or family can catch me doing it. But I catch myself doing it. I’ve had that battle since I was a little girl. It’s like, Uh-oh, here it is again, the monster! Go away and leave me alone!

FEARS:

I try not to run away from things because I’m scared of them. When you feel you have to say something to someone, and your heart starts going fast because it could be controversial, I always vote for saying it. With time, you get more at peace with it. I used to get very upset about it, and very angry at myself. But now, when it comes, I just send it away.”

CELEBRITY GOSSIP MILL:

“I think it’s disgusting. It’s dangerous and nasty, and bad for our society in so many ways. And it’s getting worse every day. It affects me directly, but I really believe that this culture of gossip affects our society on a much deeper level, on an ethical level. It’s what kids see and hear every day, and it will affect future generations in ways that we cannot even imagine.”

Hayden Panettiere Needs Some Deep Probing in Her Latest Music Video “Wake Up Call”

Hayden Panettiere Music Video “Wake Up Call”


Hayden Panettiere needs some deep probing in her latest music video “Wake Up Call”… This little pop star is the epitome of American mediocrity. She’s fat, a midget, she’s built like a healthy boy and she is capable of driving a herd of cows using nothing but her talented and unique voice… Hmmmm… enjoy, I guess…

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Gisele Bundchen Rocks V Magazine in a Sexy Pictorial

Gisele Bundchen

Gisele Bundchen rocks V Magazine in a sexy pictorial… Well, sexy judging by the standards by which transvestites prostitutes are considered feminine…

Hey, on a sidenote I was just talking with one of the few women in my life I actually respect, and she was criticizing me for enjoying what she referred to as my “special friend” which is a young lady which performs some mundane tasks for me once in a while, basically such as cooking and cleaning only sexual…

My only retort was that I, and by “I,” I actually mean the I behind the penis, am nothing more to that young lady than an accessory to my reproductive glands… Yes… Nothing but true love… Momma is sooooo proud…

Gisele Bundchen pictures pics pictorial

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Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana Is a Miracle of Retard… No Really!

Miley Cyrus Hannah Montana Sex and the City

How do I say this nice… Miley Cyrus Hannah Montana star is nothing short of a miracle of retard. And whoever is training her to speak, or about the subjects she should approach, is failing miserably and doing a terribly poor job! Just take into account the epitomes of mental handicap the teen pop start and Britney Spears wannabe managed to cough up for the TV Guide…

Miley: “I’d love to do a younger, cleaner version of Sex and the City.”

Translation: I can’t wait to start slutting and whoring myself around…

Miley on the pseudo-naked Vanity Fair pictures: “I don’t dwell on the negativity. I want to be a positive role model, so we just try to keep [that stuff] as much not talked about as possible.”

Translation: “I loved getting naked! Mommy and daddy were cheering while I was stripping! It was my 5 year old anniversary party yet again!

Miley on her fame: “It was insane. All of a sudden I woke up one day and went to Macy’s and saw myself on a T-shirt. I feel empowered when I see my face on a T-shirt. A girl wouldn’t be wearing a shirt with me on it just because she liked my show. She must look up to me.”

Translation: “Did you see those pictures of me in the shower wearing nothing but a transparent and wet T-shirt?

Miley on purity: “I like to think of myself as the girl that no one can get, that no one can keep in their hand. Even at my age, a lot of girls are starting to fall and I think if [staying a virgin] is a commitment girls make, that’s great.”

Translation: “Hahahahahahahaahahahaha! I get around! And a lot of hands have been on (read whatever preposition you please, including IN) me…”

Miley on God: “I don’t know what I would do without a God that blesses me with the ability to do this.”

Translation: “That Buddha sucker has nothing to do with this. It’s all me, baby! look at my semi-nude pictures and tell me if you see Jesus in there… See…!”

And last, but definitely not least, Miley on the 7 things she couldn’t do without:

1) “The Bible. It’s my ‘how-to’ guide for life.”

Comment: No sweetheart, your bibles are the manuals for how to work the photo and video cameras in order to take nude pictures of yourself!

2) “My mommy!”

Comment: Well… She did get you naked in Vanity Fair!
3) “My Yorkie Roadie and my lovebird Zazu.”

Comment: Yea right! If it vibrates she’s calling it her best friend!
4) “Grilled cheese. Mmm…”

Comment: Sperm… Even yummier!
5) “Music and my beautiful Gibson guitar.”

Comment: Yes, music, not whatever she’s emitting out of her vocal cords…

6) “My black Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers.”

Comment: Because she can get them off in under a second, that’s still slower than she can jump out of her underwear…
7) “My Sidekick.”

Comment: No comment… yes she’s probably talking about a vibrator…

New Moview Releases: The Spirit Movie Trailer Leaked

New Moview Releases: The Spirit Movie trailer leaked and available embedded at the end of this post… featuring Eva Mendes and Scarlett Johansson… and the unique perspective of Frank Miller…

Paris Hilton Says Stop to False Rumors, Never to an Incoming Stream of Sperm

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton wants the false rumors spreading and being spread about herself to stop… Yeah… Good luck with that… It’s not that they are claiming that Paris actually learned to use her head for something else than go up and down along with her mouth while performing fellatio, but it’s about mundane, boring stuff that by no means include a sequel to the already famous sex tape. Here is what the no.1 Hilton socialite has to say:

Paris: “Hey guys, hope you all had a great weekend. Once again, I am blown away by more lies that are going around, and wanted to clear them up with all of you. I’m sick of Page Six and other gossip sites printing completely false stories. It’s not fair because these lies then spread like wildfire online and people begin to believe they are true, just because they read the same story on so many different sites. I am tired of not commenting on the rumors I hear and I think it’s fair for you to know the truth.

From now on I plan to address these when they come to my attention. I still do not know why these stories get so much circulation-they cross the line between silly tabloid gossip into hateful speculating. They involve completely false rumors about not only what I allegedly do, but about the people in my personal life and family.

Page Six reported that I have moved into Benji’s neighborhood, and that Nicole is upset by this…SO NOT TRUE! First of all, I don’t even live in Glendale. Secondly, I have my own home in a gated community in Beverly Hills-that’s where I live. I haven’t been to Glendale in months. Where do they come up with this?

As most of you know, I moved away from my old-and very accessible-house because I was sick and tired of constant invasion of my private life. I love my fans but I could not leave for a meeting or walk my dog without a camera pushing inside my front door on to personal property. I feel so much happier and safer in my new home. I’ve been renovating it for the past year and totally made it my style. I’ve seen pictures online that are supposedly the inside of my new home, but they’re not. Those pictures were taken off a private real estate site from the previous owners’ interior. The house looks so much different and it underwent such a big transformation into my dream home. I couldn’t be happier! :)

So anyway, back to what I was saying: I am thankful that I know who my true friends and colleagues are, and I encourage my fans to ignore worthless stories like this. There is too much going on in the world, and in your own lives, to waste time reading lies. Such a disappointment but as always, you’ll get the true story from me!

I’m off to a post production meeting for my BFF show, and I hope you are all enjoying the beautiful summer!

Love always,

Paris xoxo”

Translation: “I woke up this morning and I didn’t know where I was, or what happened to the orgy from last night. I fell asleep at a certain point while this huuuuge black dude and this Asian midget where sharing me, and when I woke up my vagina was 20 centimeters wider… That’s hot… Just means that I have to drop some of my hard earned cash on the no. 100 vaginoplasty, well, at least they enjoyed themselves… I think… I was out for the most of it… I just wish that in the morning I didn’t have to clean a few kilos of sperm out of my hair! For Buddha’s sake! Oh… and those sexually transmitted diseases are a real bother… of yeah, and false rumors about me are being spread… Don’t believe them… Oh yeah… and I’m a virgin too…”

Kate Moss Rocks the One Piece Bikini

Kate Moss Bikini Topless Sexy

Kate Moss rocks the one piece bikini… Yes this is what old, former supermodels turn into after a few kilos of cocaine… Doing lines off her breasts is an equivalent of breastfeeding for Kate… Who has an abandoned offspring somewhere… But probably the child is better off without this poor excuse for a denatured supermodel-mama…

Anyway, the uncensored pictured of Kate Moss topless are available for download here…

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