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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Are Mommies!!!

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at August 4, 2008 in Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt | . 0 Comments

Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, pics, pictures, photos, photograps, twins, Knox Léon, Vivienne Marcheline

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are mommies!!! Yeah, I know that you know… What else? Brad Pitt is a man and therefore a daddy? No really! Do tell!!!

Hello and People Magazine paid no less that an obscene $14 for the pictures with the offspring of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie… Twins Knox Léon and Vivienne Marcheline are just three weeks old and Pitt looks happy like a monkey that just found it can reach its genitalia with its tongue…

“It is chaos, but we are managing it and having a wonderful time,” Jolie blabs incoherently. “Shiloh and Z pick out the twins’ clothes and help change and hold them. It’s sweet - they are little mommies.”

By my calculations, if there were people capable of paying $14 million for something that came out of Angelina’s vagina… then… well, I’m not going to go there, use your filthy imagination…

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Angelina Jolie Popped Over 10 Pounds of Offspring Out of Her, Sort Of

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at July 13, 2008 in Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt | . 0 Comments

Angelina Jolie, brad pitt, Caesarean, Knox Leon, Vivienne Marcheline, birth, france, nice, correns, medditerranean

Angelina Jolie popped over 10 pounds of offspring out of her… Finally… Brad Pitt was reportedly present at the Caesarean which is a gesture of good faith from Angelina which failed to include him in the conception process. Oh c’mon…

Let me make one thing clear… professional pretty boy and accidental actor Brad Pitt cannot possibly impregnate a woman which at one time was so high that she branded herself for the sake of Billy Bob Thornton… And besides Angelina is too busy now saving the planet by adopting one Vietnamese at a time. Her family now accounts for Maddox, 6; Pax, 4; Zahara, 3, and Shiloh, 2. And of course baby-sitter Brad Pitt.

The latest additions to the Brangelina continuously growing tribe which is about to become an entire populous are Knox Leon, a 5 pounder, and Vivienne Marcheline, also a 5 pounder, the first is reported to have some cheese in it. “Everything is going well,” said obstetrician doctor Michel Sussmann. “The mother, the babies, the father are doing marvelously well.”

The boy and girl twins were delivered in Correns, some 60 miles from Nice, a Mediterranean resort. But I am still skeptical about cheerleader-wannabe Brad fathering Angelina’s offspring… Next you’re going to tell me that Tom Cruise and not the alien-Jesus from Jupiter impregnated that mutant he’s supposedly married to in the most cosmic of universal unions, which is similar to the process of bacterial defecation… oh yeah… Katie Holmes, or something.

New Movie Releases: Wanted Exclusive Trailer

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at June 3, 2008 in Angelina Jolie, New Movie Releases, New Movie Trailers and Pure Hollywood | . 0 Comments

Just a reminder that Wanted drops by the end of this month. James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman and Angelina Jolie are guaranteed to at least make this watchable…

Wanted Exclusive Trailer

Angelina Jolie Is Not Limiting Herself to Jesus

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at June 2, 2008 in Angelina Jolie and Sexy Pictorial | . 2 Comments

Angelina Jolie Is Not Limiting Herself to Jesus

Angelina Jolie was featured in the July 2008 issue of Vanity Fair. However, as you can very well tell by her body, the photoshoot was taken when her twin offspring were fully developed… And I did say “her” twins, because I seriously doubt that Brad Pitt had anything to do with Angelina getting impregnated. Well… maybe he was holding her hand when the pool boys did their thing…

Daughter Shiloh: “It’s a biblical name, but we didn’t name her for that. It was a name my parents almost named their first child—there was a miscarriage: Shiloh Baptist. Because my father had been shooting in Georgia and that was the most southern name my parents could come up with. It’s a name I always liked. I used to go under it in hotels: Shiloh Baptist. I’d gone under it when Brad called hotel rooms where I was staying.”

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Angelina Jolie Has Come a Long Way From Heroin to a Receptacle for Brad Pitt’s Sperm

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at May 20, 2008 in Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt | . 0 Comments

Angelina Jolie Has Come a Long Way From Heroin to a Receptacle for Brad Pitt\'s Sperm

Angelina Jolie has certainly come a long way… She is now an UN ambassador to third world countries, using her vagina as a sperm receptacle for Brad Pitt, when she’s not out exercising her no. 1 hobby speed adoption and appearing topless and pregnant on a balcony in Cannes.

But she started out doing drugs… and some more nasty things with her body which are yet to appear on video. The fragment embedded with this article features a young Angelina Jolie in a drug den. Now pregnant 32-years old Angelina confessed that “I’ve done coke, heroin, ecstasy, LSD, everything. I gave them up long ago.”

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Angelina Jolie and Her Wife Brad Pitt Are Emigrating to Europe

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at May 4, 2008 in Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt | . 1 Comment

Angelina Jolie and Her Wife Brad Pitt Are Emigrating to Europe

Angelina Jolie and her lesbian prop of a wife Brad Pitt are emigrating to Europe. Brangelina, which is essentially an offspring producing and adopting enterprise, are planning, and by “are” I actually mean Angelina, because Brad is just an accessory, planning to Europenize their Hollywood-aristocratic family patched together from pieces collected all over the world.

Adding to this imperfect recipe, Angelina Jolie used Brad Pitt’s rejected sperm to impregnate herself. As you can see, she looked better, but considering that a laxative-induced abortion is not an option, Angelina needs to pop first before she will get back to her old self, namely prime material for your masturbatory practices.

The images feature Brad Pitt carrying daughter Zahara, 3, a huge pregnant Angelina Jolie in the south of France on Saturday. Angelina took a helicopter ride to visit a property in Monaco, and took some comfy underwear and Brad Pitt along… yes, she does have her priorities.

Angelina Jolie and Her Wife Brad Pitt Are Emigrating to Europe

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Angelina Jolie Was 16 and Wanted Some Deep Probing

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at April 3, 2008 in Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Sexy Pictorial and Video Culture | . 2 Comments

Angelina Jolie Was 16 and Wanted Some Deep Probing

What you don’t know about me is that underneath this professional pretty-boy shell of mine there’s a hardcore pervert with deep sick and twisted psychological issues… It’s like this, there was this dude, worst then me called Sigmund Freud – he had some fantasies with his momma, that’s not really my thing. Now Freud’s model of the human psyche is structured in three layers, the ID, the Ego and the SuperEgo. Yes, I know I lost you on the way…

Well, I’m the ID. I am a pure freak, down to the core… You look at Angelina Jolie half naked when she was sixteen and you see a future prostitute that will score big in Hollywood and get off her corner… I see a little girl in need of her daddy!

Just look at her sweet face and imagine what she’ll do on her knees or on fours for a tad of parental consent! Trust me on this one, Brad Pitt doesn’t have a clue. Pitt is a little virgin, and embryo of perversity. When Angelina gets naked and gets her freak on, Brad Pitt starts crying like a like girl which feels a slapping approaching… To the rest of us perverts slapping is just music to our ears… Am i right? No need denying it… The virgin Mary sees you! She kinda gets off on it… so it’s understandable. You didn’t think that angels really play those retarded harps, did you now? Heaven is all slapping all the time…

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Does Angelina Jolie Dream of Porn Integrated?

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at March 29, 2008 in Angelina Jolie and Video Culture | . 0 Comments

Does Angelina Jolie Dream of Porn Integrated?

Is it just me or Angelina Jolie is prime material for some nasty porn flicks? I mean, half of you perverts ended up here looking for some free Angelina Jolie pornography – no use denying it now. Besides don’t you find it hard to articulate anything else but sotto voce groans? Not to mention that hand gestures are out of the question for you, unless you count using just one arm to communicate…

As I was saying… I do realize that Angelina is a pseudo mother to bastards from more continents than I’ll ever get to visit in this life time. I also am well aware that she’s getting filled up to saturation with Brad Pitt’s sperm, as Pitt has but two roles in life, produce healthy spermatozoid cells and look pretty!

Obviously he must be doing both to perfection since he got Angelina to pop once and then impregnated her again… Talk about blasphemy! And to think that she could be on all fours in orgiastic videos that will hit the retail stores directly… What a waste! Human kind will suffer for all eternity! We’ll need another Jesus, or the second coming of Buddha to redeem Pitt’s sins for keeping Angelina out of a life of pure porn!!! All of you, get down on your knees and start praying if you still want to get into pornography Nirvana – which is basically my multi-terabytes private collection.

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Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Will Sell Their Twins for $10 Million

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at March 27, 2008 in Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt | . 2 Comments

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Will Sell their Twins for $10 Million

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have an important lesson to teach all prostitutes. If you want to make real $$$ with your genitalia, or the secretions and alternative products of your sexual organs then you need to keep an eye on these two. Brangelina could earn a hefty estimated $8 to $10 million for whoring their still unborn child or twins for the media… That’s $8 to $10 million for the first pictures of the newly born Jolie-Pitt offspring…

New Wanted trailer

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alyxya
at March 14, 2008 in Angelina Jolie and Video Culture | . 2 Comments

Yes, I know there already is a Wanted trailer around here somewhere, but I like this one better.

God, or Buddha, or whoever is the deity de jour of Hollywooditoria, I can hardly wait to see this movie!

Ok, ok, it’s obviously not a chick flick, but hey! … I would watch James McAvoy in a soap commercial, and I’d be giddy as a schoolgirl! What can I say…I’m a sucker for Scotsmen! Just imagining him talking to me with that harsh but sweet accent of his gets me all…. enthusiastic… He could be reading to me from ‘The Adventures of James Capen Adams Mountaineer and Grizzly Bear Hunter of California ‘ for all I care.

So, I have till summer to find someone to take me to see Wanted. Hmmm…It’s got Angelina, fast car chases and lots of shooting…something tells me it’s going to be an easier sale than ‘Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street’…

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