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How do I say this nice… Miley Cyrus Hannah Montana star is nothing short of a miracle of retard. And whoever is training her to speak, or about the subjects she should approach, is failing miserably and doing a terribly poor job! Just take into account the epitomes of mental handicap the teen pop start and Britney Spears wannabe managed to cough up for the TV Guide…
Miley: “I’d love to do a younger, cleaner version of Sex and the City.”
Translation: I can’t wait to start slutting and whoring myself around…
Miley on the pseudo-naked Vanity Fair pictures: “I don’t dwell on the negativity. I want to be a positive role model, so we just try to keep [that stuff] as much not talked about as possible.”
Translation: “I loved getting naked! Mommy and daddy were cheering while I was stripping! It was my 5 year old anniversary party yet again!
Miley on her fame: “It was insane. All of a sudden I woke up one day and went to Macy’s and saw myself on a T-shirt. I feel empowered when I see my face on a T-shirt. A girl wouldn’t be wearing a shirt with me on it just because she liked my show. She must look up to me.”
Translation: “Did you see those pictures of me in the shower wearing nothing but a transparent and wet T-shirt?“
Miley on purity: “I like to think of myself as the girl that no one can get, that no one can keep in their hand. Even at my age, a lot of girls are starting to fall and I think if [staying a virgin] is a commitment girls make, that’s great.”
Translation: “Hahahahahahahaahahahaha! I get around! And a lot of hands have been on (read whatever preposition you please, including IN) me…”
Miley on God: “I don’t know what I would do without a God that blesses me with the ability to do this.”
Translation: “That Buddha sucker has nothing to do with this. It’s all me, baby! look at my semi-nude pictures and tell me if you see Jesus in there… See…!”
And last, but definitely not least, Miley on the 7 things she couldn’t do without:
1) “The Bible. It’s my ‘how-to’ guide for life.”
Comment: No sweetheart, your bibles are the manuals for how to work the photo and video cameras in order to take nude pictures of yourself!
2) “My mommy!”
Comment: Well… She did get you naked in Vanity Fair!
3) “My Yorkie Roadie and my lovebird Zazu.”
Comment: Yea right! If it vibrates she’s calling it her best friend!
4) “Grilled cheese. Mmm…”
Comment: Sperm… Even yummier!
5) “Music and my beautiful Gibson guitar.”
Comment: Yes, music, not whatever she’s emitting out of her vocal cords…
6) “My black Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers.”
Comment: Because she can get them off in under a second, that’s still slower than she can jump out of her underwear…
7) “My Sidekick.”
Comment: No comment… yes she’s probably talking about a vibrator…
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